Love this piece and the permission it gives to create space for the love that accompanies a STUG (or because of the love, a STUG is present). As a lifelong journaler and that's what my Substack is about, I always smile when I see others using the power of journaling to process, be with, witness, gain clarity, heal (the list goes on but I'll stop here). Thank you, Dina Bell-Laroche:).
Love this. Thank you for offering such a clear and helpful description of a shared experience and the encouragement to know that we are not alone and that, if we allow the grief to do what it needs to do, it will move through us and we will be ok.
Oh my gosh, I didn't know there was a term for this. I wish I had been able to share this with my mother. My brother died nearly 19 years ago, and Mum said on more than one occasion that it wasn't the expected things, like his birthday and death anniversary, or missing him at Christmas, it was those moments you just don't see it coming, the STUGS. I think she spent the years since he died in constant fear of the next wave of unexpected pain to hit her, I don't think she ever came to think of it as 'normal'.
Thank you for sharing this with me. It's certainly something I'm learning to live with all over again since she died
HI Esther. I'm so sorry about the death of your brother. I know at times it feels like yesterday when my sister died when in reality, it's been 23 and 1/2 years. But who's counting? :) It's so helpful to have a community of loss informed peeps to connect with isn't it? Sending you so much love ... as a bereaved sibling and daughter.
I was not familiar with this term, thank you for teaching about it. It’ll glad to have a word to use to describe this experience- both for myself and my clients.
I've had numerous STUGs over the course of my life as I have grieved 2 major losses since I was 17 and now I'm 42. I had a similar experience at the gym years ago when I lost my friend in high school and more recently on a walk while grieving my mother. It hits and it hits hard. Always good to take time to process it though. I also had a fog moment where i was driving but didn't know where to go even though I was driving normal everyday places for me of my life. That was scary too! The fog the grief can cause. It's nuts. Keep on keeping on and sending hugs.
I so feel you. I talk about 'grief fog' and how it impacts how we think. Which is why I suggest that the bereaved press pause before making big decisions. Thanks for connecting dear Laura and I am sorry for your losses. At the tender age of 17, what a life altering experience. Hugs back.
It really did shape my life and changed me yet made me as a person... I am who I am today and I know I gained strength through it all but at the same time, I didn't want that or really need to learn it so young because who does? I'll never be grateful for the experiences that I went through with that particular loss but it did prepare me a lot for what I've been experiencing since my mom passed away. Xoxo. ♥️
Love this piece and the permission it gives to create space for the love that accompanies a STUG (or because of the love, a STUG is present). As a lifelong journaler and that's what my Substack is about, I always smile when I see others using the power of journaling to process, be with, witness, gain clarity, heal (the list goes on but I'll stop here). Thank you, Dina Bell-Laroche:).
Love this. Thank you for offering such a clear and helpful description of a shared experience and the encouragement to know that we are not alone and that, if we allow the grief to do what it needs to do, it will move through us and we will be ok.
Oh my gosh, I didn't know there was a term for this. I wish I had been able to share this with my mother. My brother died nearly 19 years ago, and Mum said on more than one occasion that it wasn't the expected things, like his birthday and death anniversary, or missing him at Christmas, it was those moments you just don't see it coming, the STUGS. I think she spent the years since he died in constant fear of the next wave of unexpected pain to hit her, I don't think she ever came to think of it as 'normal'.
Thank you for sharing this with me. It's certainly something I'm learning to live with all over again since she died
HI Esther. I'm so sorry about the death of your brother. I know at times it feels like yesterday when my sister died when in reality, it's been 23 and 1/2 years. But who's counting? :) It's so helpful to have a community of loss informed peeps to connect with isn't it? Sending you so much love ... as a bereaved sibling and daughter.
I was not familiar with this term, thank you for teaching about it. It’ll glad to have a word to use to describe this experience- both for myself and my clients.
Good morning Amber. If you are curious to learn more, Therese Rando coined the term and her book Treating Traumatic Bereavement was very helpful.
I've had numerous STUGs over the course of my life as I have grieved 2 major losses since I was 17 and now I'm 42. I had a similar experience at the gym years ago when I lost my friend in high school and more recently on a walk while grieving my mother. It hits and it hits hard. Always good to take time to process it though. I also had a fog moment where i was driving but didn't know where to go even though I was driving normal everyday places for me of my life. That was scary too! The fog the grief can cause. It's nuts. Keep on keeping on and sending hugs.
I so feel you. I talk about 'grief fog' and how it impacts how we think. Which is why I suggest that the bereaved press pause before making big decisions. Thanks for connecting dear Laura and I am sorry for your losses. At the tender age of 17, what a life altering experience. Hugs back.
It really did shape my life and changed me yet made me as a person... I am who I am today and I know I gained strength through it all but at the same time, I didn't want that or really need to learn it so young because who does? I'll never be grateful for the experiences that I went through with that particular loss but it did prepare me a lot for what I've been experiencing since my mom passed away. Xoxo. ♥️
I so resonate with your sharing. Through the pain, I have found my purpose.💞