Heart to Heart

How a near death experience transformed a life.

At the age of 29, competitive cyclist Cody McKay was at the top of his game, pursuing his dream of competing in North America’s biggest races. Passionate about the sport, Cody was used to pushing the limits.

Until his body said no.

When he could no longer ignore his frequent bouts of shortness of breath, a CT scan and electrocardiogram revealed an ascending aortic aneurysm.

That’s when everything closed in.

Those dark days were filled with shock, denial, frustration and fear. “How could someone fit, young and a competitive athlete be diagnosed with a life threatening heart condition?” Cody shared during our conversation. “It just didn’t make any sense. This sent me into a tailspin.”

Desperate to understand his condition, Cody turned to Google, but found only more questions as most of the results focused on sedentary and elderly patients.

Supported by his family and friends, Cody prepared for open-heart surgery on December 5, 2022, to remove the diseased aortic tissue and replace it with a graft. Though the surgery succeeded, he grieved deeply at the thought of never returning to competitive cycling.

“Before the diagnosis, I had a transactional relationship with the bike,” Cody reflected. “I saw it as a means to an end — something that I used to fulfill my physical potential. But now, I have a mutually rewarding relationship with my bike. I see it as a means of transportation, community-building, and hope.”

His bike isn’t just a piece of equipment anymore — it’s his salvation.

Since those dark days in 2022, Cody has shared his story hundreds of time, working to increase awareness of heart health and early intervention. The outpouring of support inspired him to create Project Heart, an initiative to educate the public and raise money for cardiac causes. As an athlete, he’s particularly focused on ensuring endurance athletes have the knowledge they need to avoid catastrophic experiences.

“I had a close call,” shared Cody. “I want to prevent others from dying too soon or suffering needlessly. That’s why I launched this program.”

We discussed the disenfranchised grief he experienced — grief that goes publicly unrecognized or unacknowledged. According to researcher and author Kenneth Doka, “to disenfranchise grief is to indicate that a particular individual does not have the right to be perceived or to function as a bereaved person. The important point here is that disenfranchised grief is not merely unnoticed, forgotten, or hidden: it is socially disallowed and unsupported.”

Athletes often experience disenfranchised grief when their bodies fail them, their athletic dreams shatter, or they retire. While the world urges them to “get over it and move on,” they remain trapped in their pain. Without the acknowledgement or validation of their experience, athletes often swallow their pain, silence their sorrow, and compartmentalize their grief.

For Cody, his dark night of the soul meant questioning his identity without competitive cycling.

What he needed — and received — was time and space to heal his body and re-imagine his relationship with the sport he loved.

Months passed before he regained his confidence and hope. Carl Jung coined the term “wounded healers” to describe those that are called to heal or lead after attending to their own brokenness. In his book “The Wounded Healer,” Henri Nouwen suggests our deepest wounds can lead to profound connections with others and a deeper understanding of our life’s purpose. We can only support others to the extent that we acknowledge and integrate our own suffering.

Through pain, we can find our purpose.

Today, Cody focuses on expanding Project Heart’s reach, spreading his message of heart health to educate the public and inspire others with cardiac conditions that hope exits after a life-changing experience.

He’s committed to making a difference, one bike ride at a time.

I'd love to hear from readers and encourage you to share it with others. As a Grief Doula, I provide a safe refuge for those navigating life's losses. Remember, when we do the grief work, it works.